Kullamannen by UTMB 2025 - The DNF
As the title suggests, this race resulted in a DNF for me. This was absolutely not a good day for me. Let me resume the race events in a few words for you.....
I knew that I had absolutely not the proper amount of training or the amount of the necessary mileage in my legs in order for this to be a good run. I knew from the very start that this would hurt, and I was ready for that. I knew as well that the dark would be nasty, that I would be fighting a lot due to an overall tired body.....
Still, I was there, at the start line, ready to run the race.
The first miles are flat and I found a good running rhythm that I was quite happy with. All the way to Mölle everything was just fine and I started consuming energy product as planned in order to avoid GI issues. I had a plan. The loop in the Kullaberg nature reserve went as planned. I took it controlled, slow and tried to breathe, to enjoy that part of the course that is everything but boring. That part of the course I enjoyed actually. Some sections were a bit faster, other a bit slower but overall as planned.
After Mölle, when we got to the flat part along the sea shore, I felt that something was quite off. I was still moving well and saving my energy for the miles to come. My only goal for this race was to reach the finish line, nothing else. The fact that I ran the race in 2021 in 23h did not matter - that was another race. I was ready to dig deep and fight long hours using 32h that I had to finish the race.
The Svanshall aid station was the last station where I got some energy from Glenn and Gisela. Glenn gave me good vibes in Mölle as well. This was really amazing! Loved it! After that aid station I moved quite well more or less 10k. After almost 60k in my legs I started for the first time in the race to experience some dizziness. Not that bad, still, I couldn't relax. Fortunately I could attach me to a few fellow runners that had a nice pace and just follow them. That was good... for a few miles. Miles passed and we were approaching the Rèbocka aid station. I was loosing positions and my overall feeling was getting worse. I was officially in a bad place. I just wanted to get there to that aid station and sit for a few minutes.
A few miles before the station I noticed that my buddies Susanna and Lars were on the side of the trail. I figured that they were just searching for thing in the backpack so I wasn't that worried. The aid station was quite close. Later in the station I got the info that he had a nasty ankle sprain. Susanna cached me a bit later after that aid station. She was moving well..... I was in a really bad tunnel of pain, sleep deprivation and motivational collapse. I was fighting to stay awake just waiting for the daylight. At the km 75 I was really tired of my own misery and I forced myself to run. It was around the km 75. For ca 3k this went well and I got a boost of energy. Most important of all I wasn't sleepy after that. Running did the trick. The issue with that is that when low in energy, doing that will instead drain that energy level faster. I needed to eat... a lot. But I had issues with my digestion at that point. I constantly had the feeling that I could sh*t myself while running, my belly was blown... but every time that I tried to use the toilet there was absolutely nothing getting out from my tired body. Just gases. A bit earlier I vomited for the first time as well, but I'm kinda getting used to that. Usually it helps.... not this time. Though I did not vomit after that point no more during the race (well, I did after the race), the mental aspect of it was absolutely bad.
After 12h of moving forward and 84k in my legs I reached the Storahult aid station. The visit at the toilet solved nothing. I just refilled the liquids and I moved forward toward new trails. From that point the trails to Båstad were new to me. A new adventure started! :)
After 90k i my legs I was in a very, very bad place. Walking and ready to leave the race. The good part is that I was still moving, losing places and I knew there that if I should consider finishing the race it would absolutely mean the need to dig deep and suffer to the end. Was I ready for that just weeks after the adventure in Italy where I did a race that destroyed my body during the 49h of that race?? Absolutely not! I felt the legs that were crazy tired, the body, but most importantly the mind that was sleepy even during the daylight! Yes, I was sleepwalking even in daylight! Still, I decided to give it a chance, to move all the way to Båstad and hope that something changes. Sometimes it does....
It didn't! I decided t DNF (did not finish) in Båstad, well, a few miles from Båstad. I actually enjoyed quite a lot the hills while getting near the city. Lovely trails and those downhills were absolutely great. I mean... I was moving really well there. BUT... once reached the flats I was done. I felt with every inch of my body that I did my best and the choice to DNF was one of easiest choices that I made during such races.It was a nice ride after all..... but i was DONE!
After the race, while sitting in my car I was still thinking that I probably could have finished the race. Maybe. The question are many.... the one component needed for me to reach the goal was missing though. I did not have the WHY.
I don't know if I will be back running this race in the future. There is something about it that makes the race a special experience - the runners and the community. It's not the race for me, it's the community and the fight in the darkness for all of us that is more or less the same that makes us such a lovely family. That is nice! The friendship and the camaraderie shared among the runners. That is genuine and beautiful indeed! So, right now I don't know.... we'll see in the future.
Kind Regards,
Aramis Sasinka
My Kullamannen adventure on STRAVA:
